Fandom: Wynonna Earp
Rating: T
Characters/relationships: Wynonna Earp & Waverly Earp being sisters, Wynonna Earp vs. the whole rest of the town
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of child abuse and underage drinking, bittersweet.
Summary:
"And if there was one last person left on this planet who made Wynonna Earp want to keep her word - it was Waverly."
Or: Wynonna tries so hard to be an older sister, but the world is simply against her. As it always was.
(Earp sisters, dance performances, and family.)
Fourteen years old Wynonna Earp woke up with a terrible headache. Or, in more exact words, a terrible hangover. It wasn’t anything new, really, but somehow that particular morning she had an anxious feeling of dread curled deep inside her chest straight away.
Something was very wrong. And it wasn’t the fact that her whole body was numb from sleeping in an uncomfortable position, her clothes were all crumpled and she apparently drooled all over her pillow. Which, gross.
What even happened yesterday…?
***
Waverly was sitting on the front porch of McCreadys’ house, mindlessly tracing her finger over a cheap, but decently working cassette player placed next to her. She was supposed to be practicing for their performance the next day, and she was going to, but just couldn’t bring herself to begin. Uncle Curtis was working, so was aunt Gus, and none of Waverly’s friends had time to practice with her. And practicing alone was...well, it wasn’t hard, not really, Waverly was a fine dancer for her age and a very hardworking child at that, but it was...empty. It lacked the excitement, motivation of having an audience, or the joy of having a partner. So, Waverly stalled. She was getting used to being alone, yes, but the thought of tainting dancing with that loneliness made her sad, for the lack of a better word.
Then something moved just out of the corner of her vision and a not-so-quiet whisper startled the girl out of her thoughts. “Startled” being kind of an understatement; two years might have passed since the...the incident, but the fear remained somewhere deep inside. She had had to learn to deal with it by herself.
This time, however, the said fear vanished as soon as Waverly whipped her head around and managed to spot a familiar figure crouched behind Gus’s rose bushes. She really had to crouch hard, almost curling into a ball, but Wynonna never was one for being good at stealth and hiding.
"Is Gus here?" she repeated the question with the same loud hissing whisper Gus would totally hear if she was anywhere close by. Waverly giggled and shook her head.
"No, she’s at Shorty’s. I’m all alone!"
"Good." Wynonna finally stood up straight, stumbling onto the driveway and muttering something (bad words, probably) under her breath as she half-heartedly tried to brush the dirt off her worn sneakers. Waverly had to admit, it was still weird, being in Wynonna’s presence again. Her older sister was getting taller, lankier, with darker hair and steel-cold eyes that reminded her of their father. Wynonna’s hands were always bruised, she smelled of smoke and more often than not alcohol, and she always looked like she was ready to run or fight even if there wasn’t a single person around her. People at school said things about her, Chrissy’s dad said things about her, even Gus said stuff. Not good stuff. And, well, Waverly might’ve been six years old back then, but she did remember what happened to Daddy.
The thing was, Waverly wasn’t six anymore. She was a sound age of eight, almost an adult now. And she remembered one thing none of those people saw or knew — she remembered Wynonna hiding her in the farthest and darkest corner of the house while those...demons were doing something with their Daddy outside (a lot of years will pass before she finds out that all dead heirs were hanged upside down at the Homestead’s gate). She remembered Wynonna shaking uncontrollably, probably not crying only because she had a smaller kid to worry about, she remembered Wynonna scared, panicked, so so broken at the realization of what she had just done.
She could still see it in the way her sister was always anxiously shifty with her hands, in her alert posture and wild eyes. Waverly had a lot of time to grow before she'd become “an excellent judge of character”, but she could recognize fear, it was a simple feeling. And she couldn’t be scared of someone so scared themselves. Let alone her sister, whose presence, despite everything, still made her feel safe. Safer than anyone else.
Unlike other people, she chose to forgive Wynonna. Even this new version of her that came back from wherever they took her twice now, hard, distant, and edgy.
So when Wynonna stopped in the middle of the yard, tucking her hands deep in her pockets and looking incredibly tense and alien to the place, as if she was highly unsure of what she was even doing there, Waverly jumped on her feet and ran and bumped into the girl with all the love her little body could express. Wynonna audibly “oof”-ed, forced to free her hands to catch her sister, and awkwardly pat her head.
"Hey there, baby girl." She relaxed just a bit, but not really, clearly even more stumped by being near Waverly after so long than Waverly was by being near her. The little one decided not to think about that anymore. Wynonna was here, that was the important part.
"Nonna, you came!" Waverly giggled, looking up at her sister, who scoffed in reply but also ruffled her hair so it was all okay.
"Yeah, well, you asked nicely, so, here. Also, if Gus catches us, then it’s on your a--um, butt, not mine."
Waverly giggled again, grabbing Wynonna’s hand and gleefully pulling her closer to the porch, which the older one quietly allowed her to do, dragging her feet on the grass.
"So, what are we doing again?"
At that, Waverly grabbed the cassette player and proudly presented it to her sister.
"We are dancing!"
Now Wynonna was smiling a less crooked and a far more genuine smile, the one Waverly could actually recognize.
"Excuse me, “we” are? I thought I’d be just watching and yelling about how cool you are, you know," she pumped her fist in the air for emphasis. "Go Waves, all that?"
"Noooo!" while yes, normally Waverly would consider another person to be just a spectator, Wynonna really wasn’t about to get off the hook that easily. "I need a partner! Like in a dance class!"
"Uh-huh." Wynonna clearly tried to pretend to be unimpressed, but that same smile was giving her away. Waverly placed the player on the ground with the most serious face her childish cheeks could manage at that age and straightened back up, placing her hands on her hips like their dancing teacher did when planning to explain something. Wynonna immediately mirrored the motion in a sisterly-mocking way, even puffing her own cheeks up for closer resemblance, effectively making Waverly lose her face and laugh. And in that second, it seemed like they hadn’t just spent two years being apart for the worst kinds of reasons. Just like the old times, when Wynonna was the only one willing to play with Waverly at all.
"So, here’s how it goes…"
The dance routine itself wasn’t that hard, really. It was made for a bunch of eight-year-olds, after all. But Wynonna’s grown-up butt (well, from Waverly’s point of view she was a grown-up) managed to make it annoyingly dramatic. She purposely cracked her joints in the loudest way possible, startling even herself at one point, she fell on the ground more than a couple of times, loudly complaining about the moves being too hard while Waverly laughed and tried to pull her limp body up straight. Admittedly, Wynonna, being a teenager in a middle of a growth spurt and with no dancing experience, did look kind of funny trying to mimic Waverly’s movements, but as soon as she started getting into it and taking things more seriously — she was mastering the moves that Waverly herself struggled with and being a proud little shit about it.
They both were in a middle of a fierce tickle fight rolling on the grass, with Waverly jokingly screaming at Wynonna to stop being a meanie and Wynonna barking with laughter when a stern cough came from the direction of a driveway and all the fun immediately came to an abrupt stop. As soon as both of them looked up and saw Gus standing there looking at them with an unreadable expression on her face, Wynonna’s whole body tensed and her jaw uncomfortably clenched. Waverly jumped back on her feet, nervous and unsure what to do, and the older sister followed, keeping her unblinking stare at her aunt as if ready to be attacked at any second.
"Wynonna."
"Aunt Gus." Waverly shivered at the emotionless tone of Wynonna’s voice, wishing oh so badly it would go back to that warm and laughing one from just a minute ago.
Gus signed.
"You can relax, Wynonna, it’s not like I’m going to beat you with a stick and throw you out."
"Glad to hear." Wynonna didn’t relax at all, and to be fair, neither did Gus. Who tried again.
"You’re not an enemy here, Wynonna. I just thought we agreed that…"
"That it would be better for everyone if I stayed away from Waverly. Yes. I remember."
Waverly shuddered and looked up at her sister in disbelief. She was, of course, not aware of any such agreement. Was that why Wynonna never approached her at school? Why she barely talked to her in those two years at all?
"Wynonna--"
"Don’t worry. I’m already leaving." Waverly didn’t realize she was grabbing Wynonna’s hand until the older one roughly pulled it away and started walking. Waverly wanted to say something, to ask her to stay, but this whole tension between Gus and Wynonna made her feel lost and scared again, the same way as when they took Wynonna away the first time, screaming and crying. So she only made a small sad sound of protest, still holding her hand a little bit out and watching Wynonna quickly marching away, fists clenched and head low. Gus didn’t say anything either, just looked genuinely sad watching her older niece go as well.
Wynonna didn’t stop or slow down till she reached the outskirts of Purgatory. Her eyes were burning with angry tears she was refusing to spill, her throat was dry, her hands and fingers were aching from being clenched too hard and it was very, very hard to breathe. She turned sideways from the road, jumping down into a ditch and climbing onto a big stone that laid there.
Serves her right for letting her guard down, for daring to forget that she was the crazy and unwanted one, for allowing herself to be Waverly’s sister once again, just the way they were before. What the fuck was so horrible about what they had been doing? Waverly was laughing. Wynonna herself was genuinely laughing for the first time in years. She would never willingly hurt Waverly in her lifetime. Tease, lovingly torture, sure, but not hurt. So why was she forced out of her life like that? They already lost one sister, wasn’t it enough?
She reached under the stone and felt for a stash only she knew was there. For a bottle stolen from Shorty’s when nobody was looking. She opened it, took a swig and coughed, hard, hating the taste and the way the alcohol burned down her throat, but loving the numbness and easiness it brought with it. It hurt less when she was drunk. Her anxiety got so, so pleasantly quiet when she was drunk. Demons stopped plaguing her head when she was drunk. And she sure as hell didn’t care about Gus, about her new foster parents or about Waverly when she was drunk.
Well, that one wasn’t true. She did care about Waverly still, drunk or not.
And she was becoming angry. The way Waves had approached her in school, almost trembling, unsure. The way she had been sitting on that porch all lonely before Wynonna showed up. The way she had hugged her, the way she had been genuinely happy to see her, her, Wynonna Earp, the royal fuck up personalized. Happy. The only person who had ever been.
"Then why the fuck should I stay away, huh?" Wynonna asked the empty space in front of her, already feeling her head starting to swim.
"No, she’s at Shorty’s. I’m all alone!"
"Good."
Not good. Awful. She shouldn’t be alone. She doesn’t deserve it. Maybe Wynonna does, but not Waverly.
Wynonna did hear something else though.
"Aunt Gus...will you come to see our dance tomorrow?"
"Sorry, kid...I have to work. I’ll ask your uncle if he’ll make it, okay?"
He won’t. Wynonna couldn’t tell how she was so certain, but in her drunken rage she was absolutely positive that none of those damn adults would come to the performance.
And that was a complete and utter bullshit. Well, if they won’t… She will.
And with that thought, she took another swig.
***
So, at least now she knew why she was so hungover. Figures. She also knew what that anxious feeling in her chest was: she was going to be late to the dance performance if she didn’t start moving immediately.
Which Wynonna did, pushing herself first into a sitting and then into a standing position with a painful groan. The world was wobbly, she felt horrendously nauseous, and her arms and legs felt weak as if she was a toddler trying to walk for the first time, but it didn’t stop her. As if anything would. Like a sick moaning ghost, Wynonna wandered through the house, very glad that her foster parents were not at home to witness her sorry state or scold her. It was only when she reached the front door she realized that the feeling of dread she was feeling was caused by something else.
She was locked in again, and this time her new family clearly had enough. The day before that Wynonna already had to sneak her way past the literal metal bars on the windows. Now — everything was locked, all windows were missing handles, and all doors were actually propped by something heavy from the other side. She could try and break a window, but she had a very telling feeling that it would land her back in Nedley’s office right away. Or worse — at judge’s.
Wynonna got faint flashbacks of herself yelling at her foster parents something along the lines of “So what if drinking is illegal, call the fucking cops on me, OH WAIT, I’VE ALREADY BEEN THERE!” and growled, digging her fingers deep in her hair and squinting her eyes shut.
She was going to miss the damn performance because of these fucking assholes acting out because of her own stupid drunk ass.
No.
No, she couldn’t allow that to happen. She made a promise already. Well, she didn’t promise anything to the real Waverly, but she promised it to the Waverly inside her head, and if there was one last person left on this planet who made Wynonna Earp want to keep her word — it was Waverly, even if an imaginary one. She was going to get there if it killed her.
Pacing around the house like a wild cornered animal, Wynonna tried to find a way out that wouldn’t put her in jail again and just. Couldn’t.
Until she suddenly stopped there, looking at the ceiling. Or, more particularly, at the hatch leading to the attic, and a huge lock dangling from it.
"Okay," she whispered to herself. "I can live with that."
***
"Hey Waaaaves!" Stephanie sang Waverly’s name, approaching her with a wide grin on her face. "Are you ready to dance, girl?"
"Yeah!" Waverly nodded excitedly, and she wasn’t even lying; she was so pumped and energetic since the very morning she barely managed to sit still long enough to have her hair done. Yes, so pumped that she even completely missed the look that Steph gave her costume, visibly poorer and more handmade than others’.
"Good, because you all are going to need to be at your best to keep up with me!" all toothy smiles and joyful blonde curls, Stephanie twirled around in her dress to make sure that everyone noticed the way it sparkled. Waverly did notice, but she didn’t think much of it other than admiration and genuine happiness for her friend who got such a pretty fabric for her outfit.
It was a few minutes later when Waverly was trying to concentrate and rehearse the routine one more time for a good measure when Steph poked her nose from behind the curtain and immediately came back almost screeching.
"There are so many people out there! Oh my God, I’m so nervous! My whole family is there, can you imagine? Even both my grandmothers came!"
Waverly suddenly felt small and anxious. She gulped and tried to busy herself with something else, but Steph was, as always, as oblivious and merciless as ever.
"Hey, Waves, are any of your cursed folks there?"
It stung. And not even a little bit, it stung a lot. With one simple sentence, Stephanie managed to pull out the hurt that Waverly was painstakingly burying under all the excitement ever since the day began. Carefully putting a smile on her face, Waverly shook her head.
"No, they are all busy working."
"Awww, you poor thing. Must be sad performing when no one is really watching!"
Yes. Yes, it was. Waverly would thank her for a reminder, but that would just be rude, and she was trying to be a good girl. Not-like-the-other-Earps girl, essentially. Nobody said that to her out loud, of course, but she heard things she wasn’t supposed to sometimes.
"Don’t be sad, Waves." Chrissy, ever so compassionate, touched her shoulder with an apologizing look while Steph flew to the other girls of the group. "My dad couldn’t come either. Well, he did send a couple of his men from the station, but that’s not quite the same, right?"
Yeah, still not quite the same as having no one at all either, though.
"Thanks, Chrissy." this time, Waverly managed to smile for real, and then decided that she wasn’t going to let this ruin the performance for her. She worked hard for this and she was going to make everyone see that! And that’s what mattered.
***
"Come on, you fucking piece of--"
Wynonna Earp was currently struggling to balance herself at the top of a stepladder while trying to pick a damn lock. The lock was old, the ladder was unstable, and Wynonna was hangover and had never really picked a lock before. She heard ways of doing it, sure, but hearing was one thing, and doing was another. A very hard another, as it turned out.
Why was she even trying so hard. How was she so sure that Waverly would even want her there. Yes, sure, she seemed happy yesterday, and she was the one who asked to help her with the routine, but… Waverly was eight years old, maybe she just got excited easily. What could Wynonna even know, she hadn’t really seen her for two years. That would make sense, even. Nobody ever really wants Wynonna these days, after all…
Wynonna’s hand with a knife slipped and left a cut on her hand, nothing too serious but enough to make her yelp and come back to her senses. Cursing and licking the cut clean, she shook the gnawing thoughts off.
She still remembered when Waverly first approached her at school. The move that made Wynonna wonder for the first time, that maybe the youngest Earp did miss her after all. Wynonna had been thirteen, standing in a hallway at school and picking at yet another offensive writing on her locker when she had felt a tug on her shirt and looked down. Seeing Waverly standing there, shy and quiet, had been such an unexpected picture that Wynonna had forgot to react in any way. She had just stood there, awkward, dumbfounded, spotting an unconvincing parody of her new crooked smile that was quickly starting to become her brand. Waverly hadn't left, hadn't let go of her shirt either, but had stayed quiet. Trembling. Maybe still scared. Of Wynonna? Or of her rejection?
"Hey, Waves." the name had felt foreign on her tongue. They haven't had spoken in months.
The little girl had suddenly grabbed her hand and stuffed something in it, like a piece of paper.
"Happy Birthday, Nonna."
"It's my Birthday?" Wynonna had honestly been too busy to remember. Busy with a yet another family not giving a shit, with cleaning entrails out of her locker, with shuddering from a fantom pain of electricity running through her body every time she even dared to think the word "demon", let alone heard it out loud. But Waverly had nodded without a word and then run away, not knowing what to do with this new, closed, angry Wynonna who smelled of alcohol and bitterness. Wynonna had watched her go and then unwrapped the paper, feeling tears pinching at her eyes from looking at a childish scribble. She had carefully folded her gift and put it in an inner pocket of her jacket, feeling determined to keep it forever.
Wynonna reached into her pocket, felt the paper, now crumpled from time but still kept, took a deep breath, and went back to work.
***
In her eight years of life, Waverly didn’t have a lot of experience being on stage, but whenever she got the chance — she just loved the high that came right after a performance. The adrenaline, the satisfaction of a work well done, the hype of people clapping and praising you, the sheer joy of feeling loved, appreciated, of being a star (whatever Steph said — Waverly knew she danced better). It made her all giggly and jumpy and smiley and she just wanted to hug everyone. She did hug Chrissy, in fact. All the girls were congratulating each other with a job well done, laughing, screaming, hugging. Their own little place on top of the world. Then — friends and relatives flooded in with joyful exclamations, hugs, some even with gifts. A young man from a police station actually brought flowers for Chrissy, although it was likely he just panicked not knowing what to bring on his boss’s daughter’s performance. The atmosphere overall was so positive and happy that Waverly didn’t even let herself feel the prick of sadness at the fact that nobody was there to be proud of her in particular. After all, she was used to that after all those years of not having even her birthday remembered. Steph actually introduced her to her family, even if she led with “Can you believe she has no one to come see her perform?! Tragic”, and Waverly was honestly just happy to chat with them and feel like she belonged.
Then…
"Ew, what’s that freak doing here?" whispered one of the girls, and before she knew what she was doing, Waverly turned around to see who she was talking about.
She didn’t see no “freak”. Instead, she saw Wynonna. Wynonna standing there with her back pressed against the wall so hard as if she was trying to merge with it, with her arms crossed in front of her chest, sending angry glares towards any adult who looked at her funny (and there were a lot of them). She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was kind of wild, and one of her hands was wrapped in a handkerchief for some reason. But most importantly — her face softened and lit up when she noticed Waverly looking at her, and she immediately gave her enthusiastic thumbs up with both hands.
Wynonna came to watch her dance. She wasn’t alone. Wynonna came.
Before she knew what she was doing, Waverly ran and crashed into Wynonna, almost knocking her over.
"Heeey there, pipsqueak. That was some amazing dancing right there, did you train all night or what?" Wynonna laughed, ruffling Waverly’s hair, and grinned from ear to ear.
"You actually came to see me!" Waverly looked up at her older sister, wide-eyed, almost crying, and Wynonna felt something getting stuck in her throat at the sight.
"Of course I did. Couldn’t miss the dance I put so much hard work into yesterday, right?"
Waverly giggled, wiping her eyes, and Wynonna allowed herself to melt a little, feeling warm again, needed again, having a place again. It all felt right.
And then it all came crashing down as soon as she raised her head and saw the way others looked at them.
Stephanie’s family, for one, looked disgusted. Scared. Clearly re-thinking the warm welcome they just gave to this little girl. Doubting if they even should allow their daughter to be friends with this girl anymore. Nedley’s guys also looked like they were about to take Chrissy and hide her behind their backs. Other girls’ parents all had the same alert, taken aback look on their faces, too.
And then the reality hit Wynonna like a truck.
This wasn’t about Waverly needing her. And this for sure as hell wasn’t about her needing Waverly.
With every second Wynonna was standing close to her little sister, she was depriving her of friends. Of a brighter future. Of a normal, quiet, happy life. It didn’t matter how happy they were together. It didn’t matter how much of a sweet angel Waverly actually was. Wynonna’s presence was tainting Waverly in the eyes of those around them, and if she stayed long enough — that taint would become permanent.
The bullying. The destroyed locker. The teachers not bothering to try. The police, the judge. Adults all but spitting in your face. The loneliness, the hatred, the fear, the burning classroom. Metal bars on windows.
Waverly didn’t deserve to share any of that with Wynonna. She deserved a normal life. Without her crazy fuck up of a sister ruining it all for her.
And because Waverly was too small to understand any of that yet, Wynonna would have to make that choice for her.
"Hey, okay, I need to go now." she softly pried the girl away, smiling in the kindest way she could master. "Go back to your friends now, they are waiting."
She allowed herself a weakness of holding on to Waverly’s shoulders a second longer than was nesseccary. Of feeling herself a big, strong, loved sister just a tad longer.
Then, as soon as Waverly joined the group, happily chatting and completely oblivious to the concerned looks from all directions, Wynonna was gone.
***
Admittedly, she didn’t go too far. Rounding the corner of the school, Wynonna let out a loud “FUCK” and sat down on the pavement, clutching her leg. In retrospect, somersaulting off the house’s roof while severely disoriented wasn’t by any means a great idea. Her hurt foot was certainly not thankful. Wynonna didn’t care about getting injured that much, really, but this one made walking difficult and therefore couldn’t be ignored. And right then, alone in the shadow, far from people’s eyes, she allowed herself to be weak and curled up in a miserable ball, hiding her face in her knees.
"Bitch, you look like crap."
Wynonna grunted and lifted her head just enough to see Mercedes Gardner, her only kinda sorta friend, standing in front of her while eating a lollipop and looking down with genuine concern.
"What even happened to you this time?"
That question prompted for more than a grunt, so Wynonna sighed and unrolled back into a normal sitting position, wincing as she stretched her legs.
"I am awfully hangover, I got locked at the house because I threw a drunken tantrum yesterday, I cut my hand picking the lock and hurt my foot jumping from the roof to come to see my sister’s dance performance. Oh, and also everyone hates me, how was your day?"
Mercedes didn’t answer, quietly rolling the lollipop in her mouth and then going around Wynonna to rest her shoulder against the wall her friend was leaning on. For a moment it was just silence, disturbed only by the whistle of a summer wind across the schoolyard. After a while, Mercedes spoke:
"And was it worth it?"
"Oh definitely." Wynonna chuckled. "Waves looked at me like I was her birthday cake or something."
"Huh. Must be cool having an actual nice sibling."
"What, yours are still being two little shits?"
"Don’t even get me started."
Wynonna smirked and nudged Mercedes’s leg with her elbow.
"You are aware that you are kind of a little shit yourself, right?"
"Fuck you." immediately snapped the other girl, with no real poison behind the words, and they both laughed, though dryly so. After they calmed down, Mercedes hid a smirk and held out a half-gone lollipop in Wynonna’s face.
"A lollipop?"
"Ew, dude, gross!" Wynonna half-heartedly slapped her hand away and Gardner laughed, returning the candy back to her mouth.
"In any case…" she nudged Wynonna’s shoulder with her leg, before starting to walk away. "You’re a good big sister, Wyn."
Wynonna took a deep sigh, throwing her head back against the wall and closing her eyes to feel the cold-ish air on her face.
"Yeah. And I’m about to become an even better one." she said to no one in particular.
From that day forward, Wynonna did everything in her power to disappear from Waverly’s normal, sane, and promising life.