Fandom: Arcane (League of legends)
Rating: G
Characters/relationships: Vi & Caitlyn, Vi/Caitlyn is in progress
Warnings: PTSD, mentions of canon violent events, sleep deprivation
Summary:
While they're left to pick up pieces of the broken world around them and, most importantly, themselves, Vi discovers that the recent events have left Caitlyn with a new kind of fear... And comes to the rescue.
OR
How the hell do you ever shower in peace again after THAT happened to you.
The Kiramman estate is very quiet. With the mistress of the house badly injured and with the youngest member of the family still healing as well, everyone else seems to tiptoe around and hide behind closed curtains to avoid looking at the scarred city. Plus, it's very early in the morning.
Vi hates going in through the main gate. She would feel out of place on her best days, and right now she's very, very far from her best. Yet another sleepless night of doing whatever she can to get herself not to think. To stop feeling useless. Zaun is burning without a unified leader, despite Ekko's efforts, and she can't bring herself to try and volunteer in Vander's place, 'cause she's very much a coward, it turns out. There are dozens of mourning people in Piltover and, as much as she wants to think "Good. About time they got a taste of what we're having.", she can't bring herself to mean it. Posh or not, ignorant or not, they're still people. She's seen kids who'd lost their parents in the rubble. However shiny their clothes, their eyes were no different from her own. Hers and...
Oh how she wishes she just ran after her sister straight away. To never have to face any of this fallout. To maybe get killed by Pow-- Jinx next, and stop drowning in guilt over what she'd done to her. Vi doesn't entertain herself with "to bring her back" scenario anymore, for many reasons. So the wish is blatantly selfish. And selfish is something she can't afford to be. Never could.
Of course she didn't run. First, because there was injured Caitlyn on her shoulder, desperate with fear of losing her city and, more precisely, her mother and almost-a-brother. Second, because when she managed to get Caitlyn to safety, the first thing her body decided to do as soon as the adrenaline lowered was to very pathetically crumble down on her knees and throw up. She'd apparently been "concussed", "exhausted" and "traumatized", or whatever. So she was forced to stay until they figure out a plan. And that, somehow, turned into days.
She was still standing in front of the gates like a moron. Dark circles under her eyes, a swaying step, irritated arms - she wore the gauntlets so much while moving rubble and fighting everything that had to be fought that by the end of the night they tore all the underlying bandages off. A prime example of a noble fancy-house guest she is, surely.
She can't go through the window again though. Last time she did, she almost gave Caitlyn a heart attack. And almost got shot, consequently.
Servants let her in without a question – her face has been made known to all of them. And if anyone squirms a nose at the somewhat dirty tracks her beaten up shoes leave, then she's too out of it to notice or care.
Reluctantly, Vi knocks at the room's door and hears an answer right away. Caitlyn definitely hasn't been sleeping. Well, who does these days, right?
She lets herself in to find the other woman once again hunched over the red threads on the floor. There's much less of them now. They know all the people at play. Or, well, one singular person at play, now. All this planning and strategizing is for Caitlyn what gauntlets are for Vi. A distraction. An imitation of doing something while otherwise stuck.
After a brief consideration, Vi leaves her shoes by the door.
She sits on the floor at a noticeable distance away from Caitlyn and leans against the bed, careful not to mingle their personal spaces. They still hadn't talked about whatever the fuck Vi said back then after the council meeting, and "hey, my sister almost killed your mom" hardly seemed a point working in her favor. So they are tense. Back to pretending to be strangers, most of the time.
Only Cait's company still draws her, like a magnet, and she supposes that going through that horror of a "dinner" together tangled them even more than they already were. Perhaps Caitlyn is of the same mind, since she doesn't object to Vi's company. Vi honestly finds that a little bizarre: being close to her was the very thing that got Caitlyn kidnapped and almost killed in the first place. Logically, she should've been avoiding her at all costs for the rest of their lives. And yet, it's like Cait actually relaxes a bit when she's around. Fucking weird.
Something is different about her today, though. Vi squints against the well lit room – a few sleepless nights in a row left her eyes hellishly sensitive – and slowly realizes that ah, Caitlyn is wearing a hat indoors, in her own room, and her hair is all tucked under the said hat. Kinda strange. As in "unusual". Kinda telling of Vi's state that she missed that right away.
– What's with the hat? – her voice is hoarse from misuse and she didn't even say hello or anything, but so what. Caitlyn startles slightly, even though keenly aware of Vi's presence in the room, and looks at her as if not understanding what she's talking about. Just as Vi starts to suspect that maybe she's seeing things, though, Cait seems to remember what she's wearing.
– Ah, that. That's just... – she turns away again, as if...sheepish? – ...just felt like it.
Okay. Caitlyn Kiramman? Shy about some hat? What the hell?
– Just felt like wearing a hat in your room all by yourself? That some fancy topside habit I don't know about? – that earns her a dismissive shrug.
– I knew I wasn't going to be all by myself for long.
– Aw, so that's for me, then?
Seeing Caitlyn's shoulders awkwardly tense up, Vi is growing more confused by the second.
– No. Yes? For anyone who comes into my room in general.
– And... The occasion? – Vi huffs when no answer follows. – You "just felt like" being a cryptic weirdo today, too?
Caitlyn gives out a long sign, visibly surrendering and sitting back to lean on her hands behind her back.
– You're going to think I'm stupid.
– I can call you stupid right now and get that out of the way, if you want. But maybe try me first.
– I, uh. Hasn't been able to shower since...back then.
– Uh, – Vi looks over her shoulder in the general direction of where she knows the bathroom to be. One of them, anyhow. – You-- it's literally over there?
– No, it's not that. – A pause. Then, – I was in the shower, when. When she kidnapped me.
Oh.
– And, – she continues, – now, like a stupid scared child, I can't bring myself to just go and shower like a proper person, because I irrationally feel like I'm going to be attacked again.
Vi kinda wishes she bit her tongue and didn't ask anything. Deciding to cowardly ignore the topic of her sister attacking people in showers and kidnapping them, she says:
– It's not stupid. What does that have to do with the hat though?
Caitlyn makes an irritated noise, clearly not directed at Vi.
– Because my hair is getting dirty and it's a frankly inappropriate look which I don't appreciate being seen in?
Vi blinks.
– ...Cupcake, I've seen you covered in dirt and blood, you think I can't handle you with your hair messy?
– It's not about you, it's about, uh, my own standards, okay?
– Boy, I sure wonder where I fall within your standards, then. Clean shower is not an easy thing to obtain in Zaun, and you can't waste water hosing down often.
– It's different. You weren't raised in... – Caitlyn makes a gesture, circling the room vaguely with her hand. – ...this. There's always a perfect picture to aspire to be and a threshold you should never fall lower than, or you humiliate your whole family and bloodline somehow.
– Huh, sure sounds like it sucks soooo much.
– Vi, please. – the brawler promptly shuts her mouth, seeing the absolute exhaustion in Caitlyn's eyes. – I do not claim that breaking the "standard" by being unclean would hurt me in any way close to how crucial your standards are to maintain for you. We've already established that us topsiders don't struggle to survive, usually. Doesn't mean that our way of living vanishes without a trace just from that realization alone.
Fair enough. Doesn't make her like it, but fair enough.
– ...my "standards"? – she inquires half-heartedly, if only to break the silence that followed. Caitlyn shrugs.
– Never showing vulnerability unless absolutely safe comes to mind.
– Huh. – Vi cocks her head to the side. – So one could say that while you're bad at hiding your feelings and are ready to hug people you barely know, revealing yourself being a mess is what your version of vulnerability is?
Caitlyn considers it.
– ...yes, one could say that. Also, I'm not bad at hiding my feelings. I'll have you know that I have a perfect poker face when I need it.
– Sure. – Vi jokingly scoffs. Then, after a moment of thinking, adds in a very different and a very quiet tone, – I was vulnerable with you, though.
Yet another pause.
And then, with a groan, Cait rips the damn hat off her head, letting her hair fall back on her shoulders. To Vi's eye, it is totally fine. But then again, Vi subconsciously compares it to that one time her own short hair got so greasy that Powder styled a mohawk out of it. And that's hard to compete with.
– See? Not that bad.
– Very bad, actually, but thank you for trying.
Vi shrugs. Then asks:
– Why not ask your servants or even enforcers to guard your door then, so you'd feel safe while showering?
Caitlyn looks absolutely horrified at the prospect.
– And let them all know I am doing so badly that I need people to guard my shower door? Do you even know what they'll say about me?
– Who cares what they'll say about you?
– I do, unfortunately. Everyone here does. And especially if I'm hoping to ever get my job back... Surely you're familiar with the notion of reputation, at least?
Got her there.
– Yeah, okay, fair point. Showing your weakness can kill a lot of prospects for you.
– Precisely. And besides... – Caitlyn curls up into herself, hugging her knees and once again turning away. – If s...such a thing ever happens again, enforcers may not stand a chance against that. Let alone our poor staff.
Got her there, too.
But also gave her an idea.
– What about me? – Caitlyn's head snaps back in her direction. Vi gives her the best cheeky grin she can master at the moment.
– What do you mean?
– You already spilled your secret to me and I don't judge. Plus I have no social standing in these circles, so I can't tell anyone anyways. And we both know I'm capable of handling...any danger that can show up here. I can just guard your door and you can shower in peace.
Caitlyn is silent, and after a few moments Vi remembers all her doubts and sags back against the bedframe. Right, why would Caitlyn feel safe with her at the door in any way, when she's the reason everything happened in the first place? What a stupid...
– That could work, actually.
...wait, what?
– What? – she asks, as if she didn't just suggest it herself.
– That could work. I think I'd feel safe enough with you by the door.
– You sure? – Vi asks against her better judgement, but then again, she has to ask. – I mean, that did all happen because of me...
– On the contrary, that particular thing happened because you weren't there. – Caitlyn points out absent-mindedly, before noticing how Vi immediately shrinks at these words. – ...I did not mean it that way.
– No, I know, it's just... – everything kinda happens because she's never where she's needed, come to think of it. – I know.
And maybe Caitlyn wants to reach out and do something to wipe the broken expression off Vi's face, but maybe she herself is still hurt and a bit bitter. She does put her hand on Vi's shin though, somewhat reassuringly.
– Is right now good for you or...?
– I'm not exactly in any hurry until I know where to go. – after Jinx. She does not say that part. They both know it anyway.
Caitlyn nods and stands up, going to her wardrobe to pick a fresh change of clothing. Vi remains seated, eyes unfocused and looking nowhere in particular, until Cait stops right in front of her.
– Are you sure you should be pulling all-nighters after what the doctor told us about your head?
– Huh? – Vi snaps back to attention, scoffs and quickly scrambles to get on her feet and demonstrate how very fine she is, actually. The tired sway in her posture betrays her a bit, but she ignores it and hopes that Caitlyn will do the same. – I'm fine, totally fine. Lead the way.
Vi stops at the bathroom door, leaning on the wall and evidently demonstrating the way she'll prop against the door once it closes. From the outside, of course, although the possible implications of "protecting one while in the shower" don't escape either of them. They both might blush slightly at the thought, but neither of them comments on it. Not the right time and definitely not the state (of them and their relationship both) for that. Caitlyn does stop before entering the bathroom, though.
– You don't have to do this, you know. – Vi raises her eyebrow at that.
– I'm the one who suggested it.
– I know. I'm just saying. ...Thank you. – her hand lingers on Vi's shoulder, and for a few seconds they're just looking at each other, both so very tired, both grieving for different reasons, both lost and unsure, both angry and apologetic in different proportions. Vi offers a weak smile.
– Always ready to play your faithful knight, princess. Now go get your beauty shower before someone blackmails you on your sorry state. – that earns her a huff and a swat on the arm, before Caitlyn disappears in the bathroom and locks the door, judging by the sound.
Vi pays it no mind and, true to her word, presses her back against the door, crossing her hands in front of her. Come to think of it, this position is kinda calming for her, too. Can't be knocked out from behind when your back is against a door.
She doesn't really listen to the sound of running water and surely enough doesn't entertain the mental picture. Okay, maybe she does, a bit, but she's either too tired or her imagination is too shit. Or maybe she actually respects Caitlyn too much for that, wow. It's probably all three, though.
With nothing to do and her head heavy, she finds that seconds turn into minutes and then into small infinities. And then she slides down the door and sits on the floor again. She's still safely blocking the door in that position, so that's okay. What is not okay is that her vision slowly starts to swim and dim at the corners, more and more until... The door pushes her in the back and she almost falls over head first, jerking wildly awake. Boy, is she glad that Caitlyn is behind the door and can't see her "I totally wasn't sleeping!" face.
– Vi? I'm done, you can let me out now.
– Uh, yeah, – standing up seems like an awfully tedious task, so Vi just scutters to the side and sits against the wall instead. Before she can think about it, she looks up at Caitlyn and immediately finds herself staring. Because Cait is flushed pink from the hot water, and her hair is still damp – well, not everyone can afford the luxury of short hair which dries in a second, Vi supposes – and she looks offensively soft in her leisure clothing (what a concept, having a different set of clothes to wear solely at home). And of course Caitlyn catches her staring, but instead of frowning she offers a soft smile, and, well, Vi is confused, but she doesn't object.
Caitlyn leaves her there, but, unexpectedly, comes back with a pillow and drops it beside Vi, before sitting on it. She offers another one to the girl, but Vi answers with a groan indicating that she's not moving. So the pillow gets shoved into her hands instead. And she hugs it, like a kid would hug a toy, because what else do you do with a pillow in your hands. Cait surprises her a little more, leaning her head on her shoulder.
– You really should rest. – she says.
Vi scoffs.
– You're one to talk. Want to compare whose eyebags are darker?
– No need, I give up the winning place to you.
– Ouch, cupcake. That's not how it works.
Caitlyn chuckles, the sound genuine, for a change.
– It's funny, – she says, – the last time I was there I was all torn up about you leaving. – Vi suddenly finds her own toes very interesting to look at. – And now here you are. Guarding my door to indulge my shameful anxiety.
– It's not shameful. – Vi growls into the pillow, decidedly avoiding the rest of the subject. – Shit happens. We react to it. Sometimes, it affects us. We learn to live with it.
– That your professional opinion, miss therapist?
– Oh, fuck off. – there's no bite behind the words, but she shrugs her shoulder a little to jostle Cait's head a bit. Caitlyn hisses, but doesn't move away.
On the other side of the room's windows the day is shamelessly sunny and bright, yet none of them seems particularly fit to human today.
Vi hates that she has to stay put for this long. Hates being limited, hates doing nothing, hates even more that her sister is alone hell knows where yet again. Truly alone this time. No Silco, for better or for worse. She really should be worried about all the people Jinx could hurt, but in reality she can't help but worry much more about people that might hurt _her_. That's the thought that she's afraid to voice. A concern that no one will share at this point in their story.
She has to find her sister. Again. Even if the resulting meeting will kill her. It started with them and it will end with them. No way around it.
Right at this moment, though, her eyelids are too heavy, and there's ringing in her ears, and she wasn't able to close her eyes without seeing purple for so many days, and nowhere seemed safe enough to rest her head at, and... Huh.
– You know, cupcake? – it comes out as a slipping whisper, but earns her a "Hmm?" in return. – I think... I think I feel safe with you, too.
And if any of the servants find them sleeping sitting together on the floor, too wiped out to move to a proper sleeping place or position... Then what about it?